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Satella61 · Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:28 am Post subject: Some advice needed

Hi all,

I am the mother of two sons, 18 and 22. The youngest one has just finished his first year of university. However, he is getting home past midnight almost everynight. When I ask him where he's been, he won't tell me. I have no idea what he does in his room either! My husband has also tried talking to him, but without much success.

Can any other parents here offer me some advice? How should we approach this problem? Thanks in advance.

Isobel · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 10

Considering your youngest son is 18, I think it is always best to come from the stand point of that you care about him and are worried about him - and thats why you want to know where he is. Not from a "i want to control you!" stand point! Cool

I also think its important you let them realise that if they are living under your roof they need to abide by your rules. Confused

Our kids have always responded better when we did it out of love and care! Smile

jujube · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 4

you mush have great kids isobel, i've tried every thing with my daughter (22) but she's so stubborn! done the love thing, done the 'i care about you' thing, done the 'this is my house and respect my rules' thing... she just doesn't listen.

i'm jsut short of kicking her out of home. don't get me wrong i love her to bits, she'll always be my babygirl but i'm so sick of the lip she gives back. i broke my back to give her every thing she's ever wanted and she just takes it all for granted.

breaks your heart

Satella61 · Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 7:18 am Post subject:

Thanks for your reply, Isobel. Smile

I agree that we should come from a standpoint of love, but somedays it's so frustrating! We don't know what to do with him! We thought that after high school, he would get past his rebellious stage, but now he's just becoming more and more withdrawn. Could it be drugs? Confused

My older son was never like this.

Satella61 · Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 7:23 am Post subject:

DebbieDebbie · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 3

I'm sorry i can't be of much help Confused

I've been very lucky with my kids (1 boy and 1 girl) have always been good even through the terrible teens!

They're good kids to start with and I brought them up with the mentality that i love them and will always have their best interests at heart and that they can always come to me no matter what.

Satella61 · Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 7:29 am Post subject:

Jaya · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 5

Satella61 - maybe you need to do a descrete search of his room! if hes not home till after midnight anyway you got plenty of time to have a look around! might also be good to see who his friends are - if you know any of them maybe you could ask them about what hes been up to?

Karen · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 3 Location: London

Although I am not sure what to do in this case, whatever you do don't search his room! You will lose his trust and it will make it harder for him to open up to you. I believe you should just keep trying to talk to him. Sooner or later he will come to you.

Good luck Smile

baby_cat · Joined: 25 May 2007 Posts: 9

I know it is not easy to make your kid to talk to you. Every kid goes through this phase and it becomes very difficult to dictate their action; they feel that they are grown up enough and do not need your interference in their life. You need to respect that. Try to become the friend of your kid. Understand them.